How to be happy in your marriage

Happiness in Marriage

In order to be happy in a relationship, we have to experience happiness as an individual first. Depending on another person for happiness seldom works. Being depended upon entirely for someone else’s happiness is quite a burden for anybody to carry.

So in the event that our partner makes us unhappy, we have to determine whether it is worth losing sleep over. Ask yourself:

  • Is it a matter of life and death?
  • Does my ego have to prove that I am right?
  • Even if I emerge the “winner” in the dispute, what are the long term consequences of having a fight? Will I “win” in the long run ? Is it worth it?
  • Can I laugh it over?
  • What would happen if I practiced humility and compassion instead? What would it do for me? What would it do for my partner?What would it do for our relationship?
  • What would happen if I said sorry, even if I technically was not in the wrong? What would it do for me? What would it do for my partner? What would it do for our relationship?

The questions above help you determine whether it is worth losing your happiness over something trivial.

Strategies for Happiness

Simple Laughter Strategy

Have you ever wondered how some people seem to find humor in almost everything. Here’s a simple strategy

  1. Imagine that you are your favorite comedy character (I’ll use Homer Simpson, of TV show The Simpsons here). Totally immerse yourself in the experience of being them.
  2. Given a situation, what would Homer see, hear, feel and then say? Go on be silly about it.

That is it!

Here are a few of my favorite lines from the show…

Homer: Why do you think your mother and I sleep on the same bed?

Bart: Because we are poor?

Homer: Exactly…and we are poor because we have children.

Tarzan and Jane Playmates

Use the Simple Laughter Strategy to laugh yourself silly and be playful with your partner. People grow fond of people that they spend laughter-filled good times with. You become an anchor for fun, joyful feelings for your partner.

Try putting this one above every mirror in your house: “This person is not to be taken seriously!”

Instant Endorphine Release

  1. Remember a time when you felt totally happy and at peace. Return fully to that time now, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling how good you felt.
    (If you can’t remember a specific time, just imagine how much better your life would be if you were totally happy and peaceful right now – if you had all the peace, love and contentment you could ever want.)
  2. Now make the colors brighter and richer, the sounds louder, and allow your feelings of happiness to intensify.
  3. Notice where that feeling of happiness is strongest in your body Give this feeling of happiness a color, and move that color up to the top of your head and down
    to the tip of your toes. Double the brightness. Double it again!
  4. You can visualize the endorphins like little dolphins at play in your bloodstream, happily swimming from cell to cell. Or feel the flow of endorphins like a river of golden honey throughout your body.
  5. Repeat steps 2-4 at least five more times. Vividly imagine in detail that event where you are happy, again and again You can use the same happy experience or add in new ones each time.

More from Change your Life in 7 Days

Being in Present Time

The following is an NLP process.

  1. Close your eyes.
  2. Ask you unconscious mind, where your past memories are stored.
  3. Ask your unconscious mind, where events that are meant to occur in the future are stored.
  4. Connect both positions into a line, which then becomes your time line.
  5. Let your unconscious mind transport all events that are meant for the PAST away from the NOW to the PAST.
  6. Let your unconscious mind transport all events that are meant for the  FUTURE away from the NOW to the FUTURE.
  7. Enjoy the freedom that comes with being in the NOW.
  8. Open your eyes and come to the room.

Being Grateful for What You Already Have

Complete the following sentences. It is best to write/type them out.

What I like about myself …

What I have going pretty well in my life …

What I like about my partner …

I am grateful to Spirit/God from the bottom of my heart for all the above-mentioned blessings. I am so blessed and lucky! Thank you very much!

Smiling Practice

The mind and body are connected. your state of mind affects your body posture and vice versa. So practice smiling – nothing flashy, just a gentle slight smile. Before you go to bed, do it with a smile. Doing this as a habit actually shapes the muscles of your face so that you look like you are smiling naturally!

Singing

Singing is another activity that changes your state. Go on an whistle a tune or sing your favorite song.

Reframe a Negative Experience with Humor

Click here to find out how to reframe negative experiences.

For the not-so good times, reframe the experience by saying:

  • “I refuse to be intimidated by reality”
  • “It could be worse. I could be pregnant”
  • “What an opportunity for learning and growth”
  • “Beam me up, Scotty”

Humor Visualization

  1. Relax and close your eyes and take a deep breath.
  2. Focus on your breath. Imagine it entering a tube that is connected to a large, inflatable clown. With each exhalation your clown gets bigger and bigger. Now, take a closer look at your clown. Notice how large it is. Notice its colors… the  makeup. What gender is it? Is it wearing a hat? Does your  clown have a name? What is your clown’s most interesting feature? Take time to get a clear picture of your clown.
  3. Now focus on your breath again. With each breath you take, your clown keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger. In fact, your clown has become as big as a weather balloon, maybe even bigger.
  4. Your clown is always with you to help you lighten up your problems. Remember: Nothing, no problem, is too big for this gigantic clown.
  5. In a moment, your clown is going to give you some advice on how to lighten up a problem or difficulty you are having. Do not judge your clown’s answer. It may not be what you thought your clown would say, but just accept the answer. Just listen.
    Ask your clown how you can see some humor in what appears to be a humorless situation. Listen for the answer now.
  6. When you have an answer, thank the clown for listening to your problem and showing you how to lighten it up.
    Thank yourself for participating in this process and know that whenever you need a lighthearted solution, whenever you are feeling stressed, whenever you feel lost for an answer, just ask your clown. It is as close to you as your breath. All you need to do to contact your clown is to breathe into it.
  7. Now, when you are ready, say good-bye to your clown and bring your focus to your breath again. Let it settle to a quiet, even pace.

Laughter Affirmation

I shall get one more bit of laughter in my life today.

I am thankful for the joyous things in my life. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Credit:

  • The Healing Power of Humor, Allen Klein

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
(from Monty Python)

words and music by Eric Idle

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll help things turn out for the best…

And…always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the light side of life…

If life seems jolly rotten
There’s something you’ve forgotten
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you’re feeling in the dumps
Don’t be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle – that’s the thing.

And…always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the light side of life…

For life is quite absurd
And death’s the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin – give the audience a grin
Enjoy it – it’s your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life’s a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show
Keep ‘em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the right side of life…
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life…
Always look on the bright side of life…
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life…
(I mean – what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing – you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life…