Marriage and Goal Setting

Marriage Goals Setting

A relationship creates three entities – a you, your partner and a we.

It is important to set goals both as an individual and as a couple. In other words, you should have your own set of goals as well as goals as a couple in order to thrive in a relationship. A relationship without goals/a common vision is subject entirely to external influences, irregardless of whether they are desirable or not.

Setting Individual Goals

Setting goals for yourself defines your identity, gives you a sense of purpose, prevents overly co-dependent behavior, gives you a sense of self-worth and esteem, puts you in the driver’s seat of your life and makes you a better person overall.

More compelling reasons and benefits of goals setting.

Setting Goals as a Couple

Setting goals as a couple ensures that you always have something common to work towards. This common goal and vision may be the glue that binds you together in times of hardships.


Setting Goals as an Individual

1) Take inventory of your life at the moment.

The following diagram is called the wheel of life. It is a diagrammatic representation of the various areas of life.

Rate your satisfaction in each area on a scale of 1-10. It may not be possible to achieve a perfect 10 in each area. The aim of the exercise is to help you determine graphically what is reality and what you can do to improve it to a level that you prefer.

2) Understand logical levels.

Firstly refer to the logical levels to achieve an understanding of how highest vision, mission, values and goals (capability and behavior) are related.

3) Set your vision, mission.

Visit http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/pattern8.htm to learn how to set your vision and mission. This is the best resource that I have ever come across in this area.

4) Set your goals

  • Goals in line with your highest vision and mission.
  • Long term goals
  • Short term goals

Not all goals may directly relate to your vision. If it is important to you, go ahead and write it anyway. The Core Innergization Process  can be used to set goals.

Suggested areas of goal setting

5) Journal your challenges in your “self-improvement projects” journal

Keep a journal for penning down your challenges, negative beliefs and emotions. In order to achieve your goals more easily, you need to clear these obstacles. The  Core Innergization Process can help you in this.


Setting Goals as a Couple

1) Understand logical levels.

Firstly refer to the logical levels to achieve an understanding of how highest vision, mission, values and goals (capability and behavior) are related.

2) Highest Vision Setting

What is your combined highest vision in the areas of how you relate to each other as a couple (mentally, physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually). What kind of relationship do you want? Close-knit, full of laughter etc. Describe what you see, hear and feel in detail.

Visit http://www.nlpu.com/Patterns/pattern8.htm to learn how to set your vision.

Do you have role models for successful relationships? What can you learn from them?

What is important to you as a couple? State 5 values eg security, happiness, peace of mind, team work etc etc.

It is more important that you have similar vision and values. Even if you do not agree at the behavioral/capability level, if your values/beliefs are similar, it is much easier to iron differences out. The higher up the logical level, the harder it is to resolve differences.

You may choose to skip mission setting for this section.

3) Set goals

Note that you may have a highest vision for each of the suggested areas of goal setting.

Suggested areas of goal setting


More Goal Setting Tips

1) Have a weekly schedule that you are comfortable with for reviewing/working out your short-term goals.

2) Keep the goal setting process as simple as possible. Being too elaborate makes it difficult to review and update your goals.

3) You may type your goals out in a word document. Make sure you have only one copy. I personally find updating word documents easier.

4) Create “treasure maps” for your goals.

A treasure map is an actual, physical picture of your desired reality. It is valuable because it forms an especially clear, sharp image which can then attract and focus energy into your goal. It works along the same lines as a blueprint for a building.

You can make a treasure map by drawing or painting it, or by making a collage using pictures and words cut from magazines, books or cards, photographs, drawings, and so on. Don’t worry if you’re not artistically accomplished. Simple, childlike treasure maps are just as effective as great works of art!

Relationship treasure map

Put photos of yourself and your friend, lover, husband, wife or family member in your treasure map, with pictures, symbols, and affirmations showing that you are happy, loving, communicating, enjoying a deep, wonderful sexual relationship, or whatever is appropriate and desirable for that relationship.

5) Suggested Use of Journals

  • Journaling problems
  • Write down goals/dreams/preferred outcomes
  • Record night dreams
  • Gratitude, self appreciation
  • Success stories
  • Writing affirmations
  • Writing letters to God/Angels
    Record success strategies
    Ideas pad
  • Karmic lessons/insights
    Channeled answers from God/Angels
    Reflections from meditations

6) Empowerment and inspiration for attaining goals

Keep a compilation of the following in a form that you can refer to easily

  • Collection of pictures/articles of role models
  • inspirational quotes collection
  • proven success strategies
  • your own affirmations